The Japanese Lav

Much has been made of the Japanese lav, and indeed everything one hears about Japanese toilet culture, or indeed, couture, is true.

For starters, in hotels and ryokans, one must don the Japanese Lav Slippers, often unmistakeably printed with the word TOILET. One must not stray from the Path of Lav to the Path of Bath wearing the Lav Slippers. One must slip out of them after departing the WC, and shufty about in Indoors Slippers instead.

There are two Japanese lavs: the Squat and the Western. The Squat is easy-peasy (pardon the pun). Turn one`s back to the hood, toileticate, and flush. But the Best Western is a tad complicated.

There are so many buttons! There is a button depicting a Bottom with Water Going Up It. There is a button depicting a Woman With Permed Hair on it. There is a button with a Musical Note on it. And there are other buttons with hirigana characters on them. I dare not press those! The Bottom button gives one quite a shock (a sharp, ice-cold jet of water up the jacksie). The Musical Note button plays a horrendous recording of a toilet flushing which sounds more like a tsunami sweeping away an Indonesian waterfront hotel. Its intention is to cover up `embarrassing sounds`, but I must admit its ear-splitting volume is more embarrassing than any biological cacophany. I nearly fell off the toilet laughing.

And the Woman With Permed Hair? As yet, I haven`t pressed this one in case
a) I get something permed.
b) I get electrocuted.