Hello Kitty Kareoke

On Sunday night I was welcomed to Hiroshima by my fellow teachers with an all-you-can-eat-all-you-can-squiff Japanese-Italian dinner (sashimi meets pizza) where I discovered the most excellent beverage for my lush-ious leanings: kiru. Kiru is white wine mixed with a berry-like liqueuer ... reminiscent of Ribena (an alcomoholic version). Japan is famous for its beer, and I have given it a go but cannot swallow more than a quarter of the stuff. Who can drink a glass of yeast anyway? Not me, matey. So I stuck with kiru all the way which led me and my scholarly fellows to an anarchic round of drinking games (`fluffy duck ducky fuzz`, japanese whispers and english whispers) plus my initiation into the world of kareoke.

And it wasn`t just any kareoke, it was Hello Kitty Kareoke! Once inside the Parlour Le Kitten, I observed a series of little rooms. Each was equipped with a table surrounded by comfy chairs that sit around 10 ... a drinks menu ... a food menu ... a song menu ... a little phone for which to ring in your drinks order ... tambourines for atmosphere ... and most importantly, Hello Kitty decorations! The walls of our room were plastered with Her Kittiness. Other rooms had more adventurous themes: there was Hello Kitty Heaven - with Hello Kitty angels stuck to the wall along with a few fluffy clouds. And there was Hello Kitty church - a long narrow room where the walls were punctuated with tall skinny church-like stained-glass windows and where a Priestess Kitty picture lorded over her trashificated congregation. Most spiff.

So loaded with far too many a kiru or six, and with tambourine in hand, Miss Ember - along with a band of seven others - took to the stage, or ... erm ... table, with an array of pop hits including:

• Walk Like an Egyptian by The Bangles
• Sweet Child O Mine by Guns n Roses
• Baby Got Back by Sir Mixalot (one for the chilll-dren, says Tubbs!)
• Better Man by Pearl Jam
• Vogue by Madonna
• Something Really Crap by Bon Jovi

And much much more! A night of pure trash was had by all. And remember kids, kareoke is only fun when one attempts it when slightly tiddled, unceremoniously squiffed, or completely whammed. Please do not attempt it while sober, otherwise it will just end in tears, tantrums, tambourines shoved up unspeakable places and, in the worst instance, mass murder. Right, kids?