You vill be taken to a convent school, outside Heidelberg, vhere you will teach zee young girls Home Economics!
After reading the recent post of fellow blogstar CracklyPork about sewing accidents, I recalled with more that a shudder and squirm a most nasty business involving my Hideous Home Ec project - the denim pencil case.
In a world long long ago, when I was huddled in a grey classroom with creaky radiators and leaky gutters in North-east England, I was hunched over my Hideous Denim Pencil Case (nastily embroidered with my name in hot pink thread) sewing away with the pencil case spread out upon my lap, with my tongue sternly sticking out of my mouth (a frequent pose of mine when concentrating in a stern manner). As the room was poorly-lit, I went to raise my Hideous Denim Pencil Case so I could inspect my work more closely, when I realised that I'd sewn directly through my pencil case into my skirt, and not only that, I'd sewn down through my skirt into my thick woolly tights, and into the first precious layer of skin. That's right, the hot pink thread from my pencil case had penetrated not only my skirt and my navy stockings, but it had passed through my epidermis! What bigger crisis is there for a young girl than becoming physically attached to one's Hideous Denim Pencil Case?
Well, when I realised this fact, I whooped and I hollered and I gnashed teeth, causing all fifteen sewers in the room to drop their needles. Mrs Armstrong, seeing what the matter was as I writhed about in agony with my Hideous Denim Pencil Case flailing about on its long thread, simply flexed her strong arms and snapped the thread off. On inspection there was no blood at all, but the shock remained for weeks and that is why to this day I cannot even sew on a button. However, even when I moved to Australia at 8, I could not escape the Home Ec teacher's love affair with denim, and throughout my primary and secondary years I was forced to manufacture Daggy Denim Aprons with complementary denim oven mitts and other darn-right disgusting denim accessories.
Since those Dark, Denim Days, I've never looked a needle in the eye again.
In a world long long ago, when I was huddled in a grey classroom with creaky radiators and leaky gutters in North-east England, I was hunched over my Hideous Denim Pencil Case (nastily embroidered with my name in hot pink thread) sewing away with the pencil case spread out upon my lap, with my tongue sternly sticking out of my mouth (a frequent pose of mine when concentrating in a stern manner). As the room was poorly-lit, I went to raise my Hideous Denim Pencil Case so I could inspect my work more closely, when I realised that I'd sewn directly through my pencil case into my skirt, and not only that, I'd sewn down through my skirt into my thick woolly tights, and into the first precious layer of skin. That's right, the hot pink thread from my pencil case had penetrated not only my skirt and my navy stockings, but it had passed through my epidermis! What bigger crisis is there for a young girl than becoming physically attached to one's Hideous Denim Pencil Case?
Well, when I realised this fact, I whooped and I hollered and I gnashed teeth, causing all fifteen sewers in the room to drop their needles. Mrs Armstrong, seeing what the matter was as I writhed about in agony with my Hideous Denim Pencil Case flailing about on its long thread, simply flexed her strong arms and snapped the thread off. On inspection there was no blood at all, but the shock remained for weeks and that is why to this day I cannot even sew on a button. However, even when I moved to Australia at 8, I could not escape the Home Ec teacher's love affair with denim, and throughout my primary and secondary years I was forced to manufacture Daggy Denim Aprons with complementary denim oven mitts and other darn-right disgusting denim accessories.
Since those Dark, Denim Days, I've never looked a needle in the eye again.
posted by Miss Ember at 10:23 pm
3 Comments:
You have GOT to be kidding. Right into your skin? Did you not feel pain? Sounds very Dickensian.
Tis all true! The needle went through the first layer of skin and I didn't even feel a prick!
Perhaps now is not the best time to reveal my perculiarities for having furniture upholstered entirely in denim?
Post a Comment
<< Home