Curious adverts on The Box

At the gym this morn - while taking a jog on those whizz-bang running machines in my stripy boyleg gym kit - I was accosted by some most curious advertisements on that box device the manager always insists on having switched on. It being an hour before lunchtime, every channel on the blasted thing was screening food advertisements or cooking shows, from deep-fried nori stuffed with sea urchin, to shellfish and sushi. It made one feel mighty peaky to be giving it a hard slog on the running contraption, with mashed sea urchin innards squelching about before me. Amidst these gastronomic rumblings, out sprung a commerical for my fave chocolate snack, Kinoko no Yama (Toadstool Mountain).

Since living in Japan, I have often observed the Japanese obsession with cute little toadstools and have become obsessed with them myself. They adorn everything. Eco-bags, wrapping paper, furoshiki cloths, fridge magnets etc are emblazoned with Eurokitsch red-capped, white-spotted toadstools. In fact, so severe is my toadstool fixation, that I have acquired the nickname "Kinoko-chan" among my friends. The toadstool chocolates have a biscuit stalk with a chocolate cap - very charming bite-sized pieces! However, in the advertisement, a pretty young woman buys a box of the stuff at a convenience store, and whilst turning away from the shelves, a rather aggressive chocolate toadstool pops out from a nearby shelf and harangues her (over what, I know not). Now in the advert, the animated kinoko is not the same size as its chocolatey namesakes. In fact, it looks like a small, stunted willy. The overly swollen chocolate cap exaggerates this likeness. And for some reason, it hops about with an evil menacing look, a bit like Chucky in Child's Play. The young woman raises her eyebrows and looks discomfited. Perhaps the chocolate toadstool has put on the hard word? Anyway, the woman's reply mustn't have been what he wanted, for he hopped about on his stalk in a fine rage and at the climax of this amusing show of apoplexy, his cap popped off with an amusing "pfffft" and went sailing through the air. Capless, the poor chocolate kinoko crumpled to the floor (or, should I say, shelf), and the young woman dashed away.

Is my recent visit to the Willy Shrine messing with my mind? Dear reader, I hope not!

While I had to cling to the banister of my running machine for support after this surreal attack of deranged phallic toadstools made of chocolate, another strange advert announced itself. And again, it was about food. A man cooks kitsune udon noodles (literally "fox" noodles), and when he is about to eat them, an animated red fox jumps out at him, and throws back his foxy head to reveal a pink mohican hair-cut. The fox is suddenly donning a black leather jacket and holds an electric guitar, upon which he unleashes a roar of heavy metal, and head-bangs his newly acquired pink do to the music.

Horrors! thinks I, my two fave things have now taken on a rather bizarre, Japanese-TV-inspired aspect!

I couldn't locate these adverts on YouTube, but I found an old ad for Kinoko no Yama which is quite endearing. The closing scene of the characters dancing around the toadstool brought to mind my days in Brownies, when as a Leprechaun (in England) and a Muluka (in Australia) we danced around a brightly painted wooden toadstool, on which was perched the sacred brown owl (as opposed to the living Brown Owl, who's weight would not have been accommodated by said toadstool).