Natto shenanigans

I took part in a culinary adventure and sampled my first Japanese natto. Dubiously hailed for its weight-loss properties on an NHK lifestyle program* (which caused natto to sell out at most supermarkets across the country), natto is a slippery, glutinous package of fermented soybeans. Sold in yoghurt-sized cartons, many Japanese eat the stuff at breakfast or for a healthy snack. My students sagely advised me that, although healthy, natto is infamous for its stench and its neba-neba** texture. See here for natto snaps.

Bravely peeling back the lid, Sir S instructed me on the technique of, shall we say, "stoking" the natto so that it oozes neba-neba, by whisking it with one's chopsticks. After a thorough whisking, the beans appeared to be wrapped in a stringy, gelatinous spider's web. I gave the mixture a cautious sniff (there was no smell of rotten socks; in fact, the smell was faint), then I daubed my chopsticks with the stuff and had three gulps. The taste was similar to beansprouts, and was tolerable. However, it was the texture that was difficult to swallow, and indeed I mean this literally. The natto stuck in my throat like glue and I could not get it down. And if something refuses to budge downwards, the only way for it is to come up-diddly-up. And this it did, with surprising speed, so that I had to rush to the ladies' room with newfound alacrity, and cough violently into my Erte handkerchief. Lorks-a-lordy!

I have concluded that, except for okra, the food of the neba-neba is to be avoided (especially at dinner parties when one has absently left one's handkerchief at home).


*It was found that data used in the show was incorrect, and the program was promptly axed.
** Japanese onomatopoeia for slimy substances.